As I went through the clothes in my wardrobe as to whether I would keep them or not, I would usually get an instant yes or no. Yes, was to things that I felt really great in or I simply loved and they fit me well. I found I couldn’t always respond immediately to the yes/no command as mental chatter could intervene and come up with all kinds of reasons as detailed in the first blog.
And what about the no?
Often, I found that the item wasn’t truly in harmony with my inner sense – the colour, pattern or style wasn’t quite right – not hugely so but enough to make me not want to wear it. Or it wasn’t that flattering of my body shape – I would keep buying cropped trousers for example but my legs are shorter than my torso so they gave me an overall look of imbalance and more chunkiness in my lower body which did not represent my innate elegance. The outcome being I didn’t feel great wearing those pants, although they were ‘comfy’ and otherwise fit me well.
As I went through the discarded clothes analysing why I bought something in the first place usually it was because I had been influenced by some outside factor in the form of a friend who thought I looked great, or a sales assistant encouraging me to break my boundaries and I was then telling myself I needed to be more open minded. Another big one was that I had an image I was pursuing and this item would make that image come to life, an example being a polo neck sweater under a jacket – forgetting the fact that I hate having anything tight or scratchy up around my neck. So, I would never wear it, period.
Looking through the clothes I could see immediately who I had been around at the time of purchase, because it was a style that looked great on them and worked for them but it basically wasn’t quite ‘me’. And that ‘me’ is the voice we have to listen to and it’s not always that easy when you are in a shop or out shopping with friends. [See what Annette and Gabe say about this in their interview: www.agelessliving.com.au/gabe-annette]
Most often it was because I needed something similar but couldn’t find it after looking around, sometimes for a fair amount of time and so I accepted the said item because it was ‘near enough’, but I didn’t really love it. (How often do you really love something?) In essence I wasn’t totally committed to waiting for that something that was a total yes, and I had acquiesced to the undermining thought that it probably didn’t exist anyway.
Or there was an occasion on hand and I needed something for that but I hadn’t prepared enough in advance and so I had pretty much put myself in a corner needing something to wear but didn’t have that much time or opportunity to find that ‘perfect’ thing. Again, my decision was a compromise and/or the item was not something I would wear on repeat and so once worn to that event, I hadn’t worn it since and it was now languishing in my closet.
Most importantly I saw there was an energy at play in my shopping activities that was fueling my movements. Fundamentally I still felt uncertain of, or non-accepting of, what actually was my style and what made up the elements of that. I hadn’t quite nailed what I really felt great in and what exactly worked for me and then leave everything else behind. I hadn’t totally connected my inner feeling with what I was putting on as a very consistent movement – it was still hit and miss. So, then I would override my feelings when shopping. As a stylist recently said to me, ‘Just think before you buy and if you have any doubt whatsoever it’s a NO!’
Another thing that would get in the way was that I would be looking to the outside, to what others were wearing who I thought had great style or who were settled with what they wore. Or they just looked terrific in their clothing – but what works on one person does not necessarily work on you. And great style is anyway about being totally comfortable or at-one with what you are wearing so that ‘you’ bring the clothes to life.
The energy I was often shopping in was therefore one of unrest and I was looking for something to complete me in giving me that ‘perfect’ look. There was also seeking the stimulation of shopping to avoid feeling the unrest and looking for the more or the next. As I love beautiful things, part of the shopping experience was acquiring them and I could be like a magpie or bower bird attracted to the next bright and shiny item. I love certain decorative styles and so could be taken by a colour, a pattern (even though I don’t tend to wear them) or something that was reminiscent of a time in my life. I was counselled to leave those sorts to purchases to something for the house like a cushion or a throw, so I could still express that part of myself but without it accumulating unworn in the closet.
Great advice and I have taken note of it and I feel it all gets back to that inner voice and that voice is so much more subtle and gentle than the agendas of the shopping assistants, store managers, advertisers and brands themselves you are dealing with whenever you go shopping. That all adds up to a cacophony of persuasion and even if you see it you can still get taken by it – particularly if you are in the grip of a particularly strong desire. This is a theme which shows up in some of the interviews.
Ten months after the Grand Clear Out…
The Results
Have I added to my wardrobe in the interim? Yes, and I have made consistently many more savvy choices.
A mistake or two? Yes, but I have been able to on-sell these items as I have quickly recognised them and been able to move them on straight away or take them back.
I am now so much clearer on exactly what works for me, what I feel good in and what will work with what I already have. Now that there is very little excess I can see exactly what I need and where I can spend money to fill the gap which will make my clothes work better for me. For example, buying a pair of long boots in the right colour suddenly brings a lot of my skirts to life in the winter and solves the shoe issue which I could never quite get right. If I identify a gap I simply attend to it and I am increasingly finding the item I need much more easily than in the past.
I am so much more content with my clothes, I no longer feel that sense of dis-satisfaction and enjoy immensely discovering how so many clothes I hadn’t thought about, now work with each other.
Shopping has become much easier as I am very intimate with my closet and know what is there and having realised and accepted my style I generally feel what will work with my other pieces. I have most of the basics covered so now I can enjoy those random clothes that come my way and which will make a worthy addition to what I’ve got. Funnily enough I am now more adventurous with what I choose to buy but it will always work for my body and go with something in my wardrobe!
It is all working harmoniously and it stems from the focus and work that I did as I went through everything, as well as talking with all the women and men on this site which has helped expand my awareness about why we wear what we do. I can’t quite believe how effortless it has become to get dressed every morning and if it is not then I have to ask myself why and there is always something else at play which is blocking the intuitive knowing on what to wear for the day. I have so much more fun with my wardrobe now than I ever did and paradoxically find that I am increasingly detaching from the emphasis I used to give my clothes, although I am still constantly refining. Perhaps that never stops?
I spend a lot less time shopping these days because I have what I need, I am settled with my style and there is seldom an occasion which I don’t have the right thing to wear and that is a joy!
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