ANNE
MALATT
I AM very TACTILE
and so PRIMARILY a piece of CLOTHINGhas to
FEEL LOVELY – to MATCH the
LOVELINESS I feel INSIDE.
A
about life and people that lights up any room she is in. I have been in some pretty dark rooms with her and watched her transform those places in a flash; people simply respond to her joy and her deep caring for them. It’s quite magical to observe. Likewise, I have been in many shops with her and watched how the sales assistants are melted by her charm and her playful-ness. Some of them become life-long friends in the process of her shopping trips.
Anne is one of the most delicious women I know. She has a sensuous and exquisite grace and beauty that is ultra-womanly and at the same time a child-like joy and curiosity
She has an innate style which can be simple, yet sophisticated and luxurious and she always looks at ease in what she wears –
usually the perfect thing for whatever occasion it is. She is a woman who is very much at home in her own skin and knows what suits her, so I love going shopping with her as I inevitably learn something. Also, I love to observe what she is drawn to as she doesn’t hold back in going for what attracts her which is usually something interesting, always stylish and often luxe. Everything about her says, ‘It’s fine to wear beautiful things,’ and to encourage the enrichment that comes with that.
Recently we both travelled to Italy together with our husbands for a vacation and so I had the opportunity to interview her to garner some pearls of wisdom for this website and to take some photos of her in action and in some of the purchases she made there.
ON
AGEING
I DRESS to make the MOST
of MY FIGURE.
So, let's talk about clothes because I have noticed you have a lot of enjoyment in how you dress and in shopping for clothes and you always look great.
Observing you shopping I’ve wondered what is it that draws you to certain things? What do you feel? What's that experience for you? - JB
Well, I get attracted to them visually, something will catch my eye in the window of a shop. So, I definitely will be attracted by colour and form and style but mainly with clothes it's how they feel on my body and how I feel in them.
I love fabrics and the feel of fabrics on my skin. My favourite fabrics are silk and cashmere.
I'm very tactile and so primarily a piece of clothing has to feel lovely – to match the loveliness I feel inside. There are some clothes in my cupboard that just look lovely and aren't particularly lovely fabric, but it's very unusual for me that I'll go for something just because it looks great. If I don't like the feel of the fabric then I won’t buy it. For example, I cannot wear, particularly in summer, I cannot wear anything artificial – it has to be linen or cotton.
The exception is this dress that we bought in Florence, [see photo] because it's very floaty but it's made of viscose.
There's something about you that's very sensuous and you’re an amazing combination of earthiness and at the same time, there's this other vibration of grace and an exquisiteness that you have. – JB
Thank you.
You've got a natural sexiness. Most of what you wear is quite sexy, but not in the way that we might have an image of what sexy is. It's not in your face and you don't expose a lot of your body, or any parts of your body particularly,
And now I understand it is your sensuous relationship with your clothes and how they feel to you that expresses through what you wear and that’s what makes them sexy.
Yes... Well, this expression of my natural sensuality is something that's definitely changed with age.
And now I understand it is your sensuous relationship with your clothes and how they feel to you that expresses through what you wear and that’s what makes them sexy. – JB
Yes... Well, this expression of my natural sensuality is something that's definitely changed with age.
So, has your clothing changed as you have aged? – JB
Yes, because as we age, especially when we have children our bodies are different. I've got chubby bits now and a scar in my belly from surgery.
And you know, my thighs are thicker than I'd like, so there are parts of me that I wouldn't flaunt in clothes. I dress to make the most of my figure. I don't dress to look a certain age or anything like that, but I'm also not afraid to, you know, show off my arms, even though they're a bit flabbier now than they used to be.
I won't hide things if it feels lovely to wear an item, but I don't go out of my way to expose the bits of me that are less than so called perfect now.
I bought some things on this trip
with you that I NEVER THOUGHT
I WOULD BUY in a MILLION YEARS. They are quite EXOTIC – but just allowing myself the LUXURY of
buying these THINGS ... was a GOOD EXERCISE.
ON
CLOTHES ...
So, your message to some of those women that are ageing and they've taken on the consciousness of getting older and feeling they can't show this or that bit of their bodies. You say the way you approach it is to focus on what you actually feel in the clothes.
You don't hold back. You don't accentuate parts of you that you feel you don't want to, but also don’t hide things. – JB
Yes. Don’t try to use clothing to hide anything. It's important that you're not ashamed about, or hating some part of your body and then focusing on getting clothing that somehow hides that.
And don’t allow yourself to be limited...
I was shocked recently because I was in a shop and looking at some really nice clothes and there was a long dress, but it had shoestring straps on it and I picked it out to try it on. And this young sales girl came and sort of looked me up and down and she said, ‘Oh, you might, not want to try that one. You might want to try this one with the sleeves…’
And I said, No, I don't want to try either one,’ and walked away thinking, ‘Don't limit me in what I can wear’. If I want to show my flabby arms that's up to me.
Exactly. – JB
And I do still wear things that expose my arms, even though they do have that… what should we call this? My triceps…?
Well, even if they're toned, for a lot of us, they still don't have the shape they once had.
Maybe some women don't have it, but most have that sort of soft underside, you know? And that's just the way it is. – JB
Exactly. And if we're not self-conscious about that and we're fine with it then nobody else cares. And it's really lovely to bare your arms and shoulders in the summer.
Yes. As you get older, I think it becomes more important that you dress for comfort. I don't know how it is for you, but for me, clothes have to feel really comfortable.
That doesn't mean compromising with style at all, although it may be harder to find something that works both ways. Personally, I feel sexier in clothes
that are comfortable to wear. If I'm walking around in
something that's too tight or too restrictive, or I've got shoes on that aren't comfortable, I can't move freely and I don't feel my own vibrancy because my body's not at ease. – JB
Well, that's true because there's an innate flow when we move isn't there? If the clothing restricts that flow, you are not going to feel great. And the same with a pair of shoes, no matter how great they look if they’re a little bit tight in one spot and rubbing, then your whole focus is going to come to this sore tight spot, instead of just enjoying walking in those shoes.
I think there’s another distinction to make, there is feeling comfortable as in, at ease in your skin, in the clothing and comfortable as in safe and hiding in the clothing, you know?
As we touched on before, some women as they get older, they dress to hide. Either hide their body or just hide themselves generally. I think that's an important distinction that definitely, yes, we feel comfortable in our own skin and then comfortable in the clothes, but that we feel comfortable in a lovely way, not comfortable in a safe, hiding way.
And it doesn't have to be an expensive exercise to dress in the way that makes you feel lovely. It just means taking care with choosing clothes and taking the time and being willing to, say no to something, if it's not quite right.
DON'T TRY to use clothing TO HIDE ANYTHING.
And IT DOESN'T have to be an EXPENSIVE exercise to dress
in the way that MAKES YOU FEEL LOVELY.
ON
SHOPPING
And you CAN ALWAYS FIND CLOTHES that WORK FOR YOU. You just have to MAKE that
the FOCUS.
Yes. That's very important! Saying no to something that’s not quite right, it’s always worth waiting for the right thing. – JB
And also, important to say yes to something, even if you think, ‘Oh, it's a little bit more than I was going to spend’, or ‘it's a bit outrageous’ or whatever, when actually it’s the perfect item for you.
I've bought some things on this trip with you that I never thought I would buy in a million years. They're quite exotic, which you'll see in the photos. But just to allow myself the luxury of buying those things, which I would not normally – that was a good exercise.
So you feel beautiful in them. You feel that they reflect some quality of you? – JB
Yes, exactly. And they brought something out that I was actually hiding, brought that out more.
I feel much more celebratory when I wear them.
So, one other thing I wanted to ask you and you have partly answered it. As women, our bodies often change, we can go through phases where we're fatter or thinner than we’d like to be. We can change a lot through different phases of life. I think you manage that very well, because I've seen your body change shape quite a bit, over the years I've known you but you always look great in what you wear, so how do you do that? – JB
Oh, that's a good question. I remember after I had the children, I did put on quite a lot of weight and I was twenty kilos more than I am now. I always dressed to make the most of myself and I wouldn't compromise that. I wouldn't wear things that made me look and feel fatter and frumpier than I already felt.
And you can always find clothes that work for you. You just have to make that the focus.
And you know what your shape is, what suits, what works and that is important. – JB
I don't know how I know that but again, I usually go by feel. Also, the other thing I tend to do is find shops that I like to shop in with people who run them, that I like and I trust.
I'll tend to go to those shops because I know they'll tell me if it doesn't look great, because you know, we all make mistakes with clothes. Sometimes you think, ‘I just want that even if it doesn't make the most of me’. So generally speaking, I tend to shop in the same or similar shops where I know I like the clothes and I like the fabrics and the style of their things. And I like the people in there, so we have a relationship and sometimes they'll ring me and say, we've got this in and we think it will suit you.
One of the great things about getting older is you do tend to have a selection. I have jeans in my wardrobe that go from me being fifty-five kilos to me being sixty-five kilos. And I can just wear the jeans that fit me at that time. So, don't throw out all your jeans, which I've made the mistake of doing in the past, and then I've had to buy them again.
But also, you don't make the mistake, as far as I can see, of saying, ‘Okay, I am five or six kilos heavier than I want to be, so I won’t buy anything until I lose weight’. You go, ‘Okay, I'll buy what suits me now’. You don’t limit yourself. – JB
Exactly.
And you'll wear it and you'll feel great in it. – JB
And don't try and squeeze into something that's too tight for you because then you just feel fatter and horrible. Don’t do that. So, if you’ve put on weight, you’ve put on weight – and you've got to get some clothing that fits. I tend to buy clothing that has a natural give and take in it, that has a slight stretchiness around the waistband or whatever.
But to recap, you don't say, ‘Oh, well, I won't buy anything now because I'm really meant to be a few kilos lighter than I am’. – JB
But then what do you wear? You can't just wear track pants all the time. No. You have to feel lovely in your clothing – no matter what size and shape you are. That's the most important thing. That's what clothing is for: to dress the body so that you feel lovely.
Yes. And to express a quality that you are. – JB
Yes, the quality, that’s an important topic to touch on.
Does the quality of the clothing enhance the quality of the essence of you?
Does it support you to move around feeling the essential quality of you? The is-ness of what you are.
Does, the clothing support that or does it actually interfere with that? And I think that's super important, and if that clothing makes you feel like you're not yourself, then you shouldn't be wearing it.
Yes. I think it takes a level of focus actually to get that. It sounds very simple but I don't know how common it is.
– JB
Yes, because we're not trained to shop like that, are we?
No. And then we then fall under the influence often of what's fashionable, what's trending, what our friends or people are wearing around us and of course what's happening in the shop. – JB
Yes. What they're trying to sell us.
Yes. I admire people that actually do not crumble to that and have a very strong sense of their own style. And I often ask this question: what is it that makes you know that? What is it that makes you have that? Where you can go into a shop and you'll go, ‘No, that just isn't going to work’ – and yet at the same time, not to be fixed and still be open to something that might be new. Because you can't get fixed about, ‘This is the only thing I wear and it’s got to be this way.’
It's something to do with being very connected to what's actually true for you. – JB
Yeah. And it's also practise.
And there's also got to be a practical reality to it. I tried on this gorgeous pair of leather pants yesterday, which were very expensive and I did come close to buying them. But at the end of the day, even though they're super fashionable and they look great with all the super fashionable footwear, it's not actually something that would work in my wardrobe because in the winter, when I would wear them, I wear short boots and they would not look right with these pants that didn't come all the way down to my ankles.
So that's actually not going to work in in real life. So yes, you have to be able to hold yourself and not be influenced by what other people say looks great, or what's at the height of fashion.
Ask yourself, is that actually going to work in my wardrobe in my life where I live?
There has to be an element of common sense so that we don't get carried away in the moment and ended up making a purchase that we can't afford or that we regret. Having said that, those things aren’t particularly practical that I've bought here in Italy. Sometimes you just buy something for the hell of it and enjoy it.
Fashion at the end of the day also has to be fun. I think that's super important. My daughter works in fashion, high-end fashion. And sometimes it gets a bit serious and I just keep reminding her, ‘It's fashion, sweetheart. It's meant to be fun. If you're not having fun you've just got to pull yourself back from getting too caught up in the seriousness of this world of high fashion’.
Because it's ridiculous what we call high fashion, you know, the price tags and the styles and mishmash of flamboyant things that just don't really go together, really it is outrageous.
So why not have fun? It is ridiculous.
And you can't have a pre-formed picture about any of it. – JB
That's super important. You can't go out saying now I want to buy a dress that looks like this, a skirt that looks like that because it doesn't work like that.
There's been a couple of occasions in life where I've had some special occasion to go to and then I've gone to try and find a dress for it. That's a nightmare. So, I never do that now
What I do is when I'm shopping, and I see something, that I am not necessarily looking for, I’ll go, ‘That'll be great for something one day’. And I buy it then. And then that day comes and it might be years down the track...
But you love what it is.
– JB
Yes. I just go, ‘I love that’, it's going to work for something. And I have a collection of things now in my wardrobe that work for a special occasion.
That's great. So, when there's a wedding, you don't go into anxiety thinking, ‘I've got nothing to wear’. – JB
I just go to my cupboard and pick something and most of its black lace but that's okay.
Just reflecting on what we've talked about… You know, we've been talking about knowing your own sense of style and knowing what suits you and knowing what works, but how do you come to that knowing, are we born with it? Do we learn it from our families? Do we learn it from our friends? Is it something innate?
And for me, what it's been is, as I've become more confident and settled in myself as a woman, then I've become more clear about what works and doesn't work for me with fashion. And so, what I would say is, rather than trying to make the fashion make you feel more confident as a woman, work first on feeling more confident as a woman, and then the fashion will take care of itself.
Fashion is just an expression of how we feel on the inside.
Or let’s use the word style instead of fashion because fashion refers more to what's on trend, but you can still be very stylish without being on trend. And you notice people that are. I mean, they stand out.
I suppose not everybody's developed the art of styling themselves because there is an artistry to it and some people seem to have that. But you can develop it, if it's something that interests you.
– JB
Yes. Not everyone's interested, but that comes back to an underlying problem with a lot of women is that we don't value ourselves enough to put the time and effort and money into developing a wardrobe that really maximises what we offer the world, that really shows us off and celebrates us as a womanly woman.
And we may not be fashionable or on trend, but there's a quality about us that is expressed through our clothing. The clothing not only doesn't get in the way of that, but it actually enhances that quality of us. So, it shows us off to the world because there's something about a woman in her essence who radiates this loveliness, just by moving around and it’s gorgeous when you see that. And it's not that often that you see a woman in her full power, which is not in any way, an imposing thing – there's just this emanation that flows from her as she moves. And it's just so lovely. When you see a woman who's claimed that essence and has clothed herself in a way that celebrates that, just moving in that gorgeous, delicate, sacred quality that is womanliness. It's something to behold.
But this quality that we are talking about comes from within. So, it's really about developing the practice of stopping and allowing ourselves to be still and go in because inside we always know what's true.
So, when you're in a shop – this is very important – instead of getting caught by what we see in the mirror, what the shop person is telling us, we just take that moment to be still and go in and then from inside, look out. And feel whether what we are seeing is congruent, whether it matches what we feel inside or not.
Thank you Anne, I feel that brings us back to the beginning and talking with you has given us a lot of tips and insights into how to choose clothes that really enhance our inner beauty and support us to reflect that back to the world around us. – JB
ON
FASHION
Fashion is JUST AN EXPRESSION of how
we FEEL on the INSIDE
Photos: Alan Johnston and Iris Pohl
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